I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling wall and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike baritone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

But, I have not yet been published TWICE in JPGMag.