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STRICT UNBENDING RULES FOR DEALING WITH STRAY CATS
1. Stray cats will not be fed.
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with, or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house any time.
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in “y”.
11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump on, or sharpen their claws on, the best furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen their claws on the new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh’N’Sweet kitty liter.
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lamb’s wool pillow.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed except at the foot.
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk
27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is jdvirikacnk9230-kcekmcm,asmduu USING IT.
Message circulated on the internet (1998) and edited here by aliceinthepoetsheartland
p.s. for the loving bipeds who have other home companions, you will find revised rules that apply for all pets in my site:
Also by Alicia Bernal
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