Once Upon a Time Never Was

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Uploaded 22 Nov 2008 — 87 favorites
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© seanie blue
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Photo license: © All rights reserved

You fall in love because you can’t handle time without it.

There are so many things you will never do again. Never be again. Never see again. Time is a tincture, a salve, a dressing for the wounds of memory, and time heals your broken past, or at least you think it does.

On the balcony of our little cottage on a gently rainy afternoon at the foot of the Pyrenees, I break down crying, inexplicable tears streaming, cracked dams. Unsettled by my sudden gloom, Ananda tries to crawl under my skin. I can’t explain myself to her, but she knows there is goodbye in my blood, a sickness I can’t help, worse than any fatal disease.

You fall in love to forget time’s ruthless tricks. Maybe time does not flow from A to Z, as scientists are finding out, but one day it will be there without you, and it will tell nobody about the power you felt when you were in love. Too soon to imagine, you will never have existed, and once upon a time never was. What happens to everything you ever felt? My keening for her voice is very real. I cannot deny the burn in my throat to see her just once, walking in the street, alone, perhaps glancing back in my direction, sensing shadows.

There is a brilliant observation among scientists, a little abstract they muse over, a cosmic poetry to ponder: that perhaps humanity is not here to explain why the Universe exists, but to help the Universe itself understand why it exists. I do my part: in my embrace with the romance writer I tell the sky the reason for our expanding plasma is the depth into which we can fall, into love. That 13.73 billion years of existence have happened so a fool like me can fall into the singularity of desire equal to being desired, felt so densely no reason escapes, no schedule, no responsibility, no property or profit.

These cosmic moments on the balcony of the little cottage in Gaja, with the romance writer desperately hoping a kiss can make my misery go away, cause my wounds to become hers. She touches these scars now, last night, or tomorrow when she reads this, and remembers what she wrote in her journal about this day in tears on the balcony:

“Sean reassures me about his feelings, but never about the future. The smell of fresh rain will always remind me of making love to him in Gaja.”

How can I forget this? How can she?

But where she lives, in the California desert, the rain is rare. It pours, sometimes, in between the erosion and erasure of time, scrubbing out her memories of my doomy tears in Gaja.

Far from her orbit I try to impregnate her clouds with sadness and sugar to refresh her memory. I am still a storm, raging, but she lives in constant dry light, baking every supple urge into brittle history, and these break, become dust, and sometimes she writes to tell me there is a grain of sand in her eye or on her tongue, and she wonders if

48 responses

  • Laura Boston-Thek

    Laura Boston-Thek gave props (22 Nov 2008):

    WOW, incredible....an intimate peek into another life, another life....as if finding someone's private diary...and stealing a glance....or seeing into an open heart. Thank you for this momentary break to take my mind to other lands.

  • Pilar Coll i Gatells

    Pilar Coll i Gatells said (22 Nov 2008):

    Seani. . .ets un poeta!

  • Chris O'Shana

    Chris O'Shana gave props (22 Nov 2008):

    BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

  • Laurie Search

    Laurie Search gave props (22 Nov 2008):

    Beautiful. What you wrote brought tears to my eyes........

  • Konrad Ragnarsson

    Konrad Ragnarsson gave props (22 Nov 2008):

    Very good,it rocks!! When are you coming back to Iceland,we need U.S. dollar's Seanie,hurry back!l lol,

  • Anne Mcginn

    Anne Mcginn gave props (22 Nov 2008):

    There is a perfect word in Portuguese for this feeling: saudade. Voce tem suadade p'ra ela, Seanie. And that is such sweet sorrow.A beautiful woman and beautiful revelation of a romance in which all things are felt, nothing left out or denied.

  • Alexis - Now on Flickr

    Alexis - Now on Flickr gave props (23 Nov 2008):

    so Blue...

  • Gary Fudge

    Gary Fudge (Deleted) gave props (23 Nov 2008):

    Love the finish.

  • Ronnie Ginnever

    Ronnie Ginnever   gave props (23 Nov 2008):

    If it weren't for time everything would happen at once.

  • Alexis - Now on Flickr

    Alexis - Now on Flickr gave props (23 Nov 2008):

    My vote of course

  • Steven Ward

    Steven Ward gave props (23 Nov 2008):

    Cinematic.

  • Jean Pierre Vacherot

    Jean Pierre Vacherot (Deleted) gave props (24 Nov 2008):

    Great shot, my vote

  • Trey Hill

    Trey Hill (Deleted) said (24 Nov 2008):

    well done seanie.

  • Atisha Paulson

    Atisha Paulson gave props (24 Nov 2008):

    beautiful lighting/moment of truth. .=yes.

  • Chris Whitney

    Chris Whitney said (25 Nov 2008):

    Sean-When I learned how to use a camera, I would study the images of others. I would concentrate on their compositions, their ability to capture light, the locations of their subjects, and their equipment. Then, I would come across an image that just captured my imagination and I could not describe it with photography labels. I did not understand at first and then realized that these images were first captured with the imagination and then expressed to others through photography. For me, your words do the same. Your ability to craft your words and tell a story is uniquely yours. As with your images, your words have impact through your ability to convey your special perspective in a way that is very meaningful to others.

  • claudio gobbi

    claudio gobbi gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    great capture!!!my vote.

  • Michele Randell

    Michele Randell gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    Sean you have epitomised a moment in time that will never exist again - this memory along with your words and image is poignant,bittersweet and honest - just what being love is

  • Zapata Juan P

    Zapata Juan P   gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    Great image ! my vote !

  • Portia Söderberg

    Portia Söderberg (Deleted) gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    Seanie, I love the texture of this shot, her skin, the entire image. Beautiful!

  • Lynn H

    Lynn H (Deleted) gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    Fantastic!!!!

  • Nelson Campbell

    Nelson Campbell (Deleted) gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    this makes me weep.

  • Gail Anderson

    Gail Anderson gave props (26 Nov 2008):

    this touches a place in a person that lays dormant, until someone comes along to stir things up and bring it to the surface.

  • John Linton

    John Linton said (27 Nov 2008):

    “Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”
    No, no that's not the right quote. Hmmm...
    “Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain”
    Better, but still...
    “May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart might desire.”
    Is seanie Irish? Hmmmm...
    “The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”
    True, but....
    “A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning.”
    This isn't a bad one...and my attention span is at its wits end. Rock on seanie.

  • Daniela V

    Daniela V gave props (27 Nov 2008):

    excellent entry. very elegant and intense shot. Voted and favorite!

  • Norman Caldwell

    Norman Caldwell (Deleted) gave props (29 Nov 2008):

    Great entry...beautifully done. voted yeah!

  • judy fouse

    judy fouse said (30 Nov 2008):

    Sometimes I think you fall out of love because you can't handle time with it.

  • Yasmina Baggili

    Yasmina Baggili (Deleted) gave props (1 Dec 2008):

    Very beautiful picture. My vote

  • Smith Ashley

    Smith Ashley said (1 Dec 2008):

    as much as i love the photo, the writing is also incredibly moving and touching, absolutely amazing, great job

  • Teresa Nabais

    Teresa Nabais said (2 Dec 2008):

    "You fall in love because you can’t handle time without it"! SO BEAUTIFUL! I'm going to take a photo and title it with this phrase : ).

  • Mojca Savicki

    Mojca Savicki gave props (4 Dec 2008):

    I'm touched....

  • Jit Ray

    Jit Ray said (8 Dec 2008):

    The passion, the sensuousness, the smell of cosmic infinite is really overwhelming seanie.... the picture brings tears to my eyes...

  • Melissa Thorburn

    Melissa Thorburn gave props (11 Dec 2008):

    A special intimate moment. I love your works. You must publish your writing if you don't already!

  • judy fouse

    judy fouse gave props (11 Dec 2008):

    Seanie, maybe you are so melancholy because you let this love go. So sad for you.

  • Abhishek Majumder

    Abhishek Majumder gave props (13 Dec 2008):

    sensuous image, I am really moved.

  • Karen Zimmerman

    Karen Zimmerman gave props (13 Dec 2008):

    Your image is stand-alone beauty and emotion, but your words add a dimension of the soul.

  • claudia luthi

    claudia luthi gave props (29 Dec 2008):

    strikingly beautiful! love the cosmic expansion!

  • Mal Stewart

    Mal Stewart gave props (21 Feb 2009):

    All round brilliant Seanie. Well done.

  • Cjor

    Cjor gave props (29 Mar 2009):

    Great shot, love the lighting and tones

  • Ronnie Mayo

    Ronnie Mayo said (9 May 2009):

    Wow this is beautiful.

  • rory cobbe

    rory cobbe gave props (22 May 2009):

    love the grain

  • Kimm

    Kimm (Deleted) gave props (16 Jul 2009):

    the photo is dark, grainy, perfect for your story, and your story ROCKS!

  • Laurent Chantegros

    Laurent Chantegros gave props (18 Jul 2009):

    superb, very well done

  • S. Belle

    S. Belle gave props (25 Sep 2009):

    love the emotion evoked!

  • Erin Lorek

    Erin Lorek said (12 Jan 2010):

    this inspires me. i needed this. thank you

  • s w

    s w gave props (16 Jan 2010):

    you do amazing work. stunning and full of feeling. love this shot

  • Sonia Adam Murray

    Sonia Adam Murray gave props (9 Apr 2010):

    I agree with all of the above.

  • Kathleen Mercado

    Kathleen Mercado (Deleted) said (12 Aug 2010):

    I am so fucking moved by this image and the writing. Thank you.

  • judy fouse

    judy fouse said (11 Jan 2011):

    Your perpetual memory of her seems to say she is the love of your life. Have you ever considered making your case to her and making her your forever partner? I know you dont think you are capable, but I am not so sure.

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