Dear Me: Day 190
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Day 190/365, June 26th, 2011
I was always fairly single-minded in my life, or at least I appeared to be. It's easy to be single-minded though when you don't really have any dreams of your own. I've said before that my real dream, the ultimate dream, is to be able to support myself with my art (yes, that's right I don't JUST photograph my hand), and I still have every intention of doing that.
But recently, I started toying with other ideas too. Allowing light to shine on other dreams. Old ones, new ones. Small ones, bigger ones.
And at first I got a little flustered, there's one new LOUD dream floating around in all that and I started to wonder-- do I have to choose? Do I have to focus on one single pathway and pursue it doggedly to the exclusion of everything else?
And it occurred to me today that the way I've processed my hopes and dreams in the past doesn't really apply to my life anymore, or at least it doesn't have to. My adopted mom was, in her own way, a very focused person, very driven. And when it came to my future, she had very definitive idea of what my dreams should be. And I went along with it for -- well, most of my life because it never occurred to me that I deserved dreams of my own. I spent a lot of years focused on music, piano lessons, organ lessons, a music major. And for a lot of that time I was really unhappy with that path, but I never said anything. It was my dream to be a musician, because it was her dream for me to be a musician and there was no room in either of our visions for anything outside that path.
These days though, I make my own dreams, form my own path. And this weekend I realized there is room in my life for more than one dream. Just because my ultimate goal hasn't yet come to pass, doesn't mean that I can't start building the foundations for another besides. And maybe that's one of the greatest gifts I can give myself-- permission to, the ability to, the passion to have more than one dream for my future.
Once upon a time, I thought just having one dream to call my own was incredible, now... now my dreams are limitless. And the ones that are meant to come true-- will. Because I'll have the passion and determination to make them so. Dreams are a gift that I give myself and that I give to my future-- whatever it may turn out to be.
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