Dear Me: Day 192

Uploaded 5 Aug 2011
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© Sarah Philipson
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Day 192/365 June 28th, 2011

There aren't really words for how tired I am. Late night last night, late night tonight. Late night tomorrow night no doubt. It's more than just meeting our goal-- we're way beyond that to be honest. There are a core group of us at work who are determined to not just exceed our goal, but to blow our booking record out of the water. Sometimes that means working late, getting our hands dirty, calling customers and reminding them they can change their dates later, asking accounts for more moves.

It can be exhausting and frustrating, but even as late as we stayed tonight, as we watched our total rise, we knew that we were cementing all of our new help, that we were creating our own security, building the future of our company-- for ourselves.

This quote though, for me, is about so much more than work. I stopped this week, more than once, to consider just how far I've come in the last year. I thought about how I felt last year, stuck in the office until 7, 8, even 9 o'clock, desperate to not drown. I thought of lonely nights, turning the lights out behind me, depressed and frustrated and terrified that I just wouldn't be able to do enough.

And tonight, as a few of us walked out together, tired but laughing and joking and resolving to beat the company's booking record, I smiled and realized it's not just about how far I've come-- although that's a big part of it-- but how far our company has come. In all honesty there are only 3 of us there who experienced ALL of last summer too, and while I can't say that everyone who is gone I'm glad of, the team that's in place at my office now is just that-- a team. So much of the work I've been doing myself, emotionally, has allowed me to be a part of that team. To be vibrant and encouraging and involved.

I am, for the first time ever, able to get my hands dirty-- to dive into friendships I would have been too scared to pursue before, to throw myself into work, and outings, and drinks with the girls. I am able to get my hands dirty by actually LIVING my life.

And look at all the wonderful things that are blooming because I have been able to actually participate in my, dirty, messy, exhausting, but oh-so-amazing life.

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