The Project

The Bubbles have it!: A Bad Ass Story Board

Sweet, Sour, Tart & Tang
Where did I put that juicer?
Where did I put that watermelon Kool-Aid?
Where did I put that lemonade?
Where did I put that tequila?

I admit, the idea wasn't original. I wasn't the first nor I suspect will I be the last to attempt this project. I plagiarized this assignment. Ya, I stole it. I used you. And the worst part? I'm not a bit sorry either. But, let's be honest with ourselves, bubbles are damn bad ass.

Seriously, have you looked at a bubble lately? The round luminescence that glistens effortlessly. The playful dance of the round spheres racing to the top of the glass with the urgency of a woman at the end of a monstrous line for the ladies restroom. Bad ass.

This assignment is quite simple.

1. Find a clear container and steal your wives mineral water. I mean, it's been in the fridge for like 5 months and it's not like she's going to have a bubbly water emergency right this damn second!

2. Pour the fancy bubbly water into the glass and watch in amazement. Bubbles will do a little show for you and then harass you to see the rest of their shows for the rest of eternity unless you want to "make a donation" to their theater group. No thanks.

3. Place fun objects into the dancing snobby water. Like divorce papers for example, they seem to have the effervescence of V-Day on the beaches of Normandy. Sure, freedom isn't exactly at hand yet, but soon. Real soon. Bad ass times will be had.

4. Take pictures of the 'better-than-you-because-I'm-expensive-and-from-France' water enveloping your hopes and dreams.

5. Arrange the dashed dreams and crushed expectations of playing for the New York Rangers as the star goalie and pray to god that your wife hasn't noticed the missing bubbly water. For 5 months, it just sat there, but god forbid she needs it in those fifteen seconds you used it. You better hope she doesn't notice otherwise your screwed. You've been warned. I tried to help you. I really did.

6. Come up with a snappy title. Don't worry about it's meaning, you can always throw random words together and claim to be expressing your deepest brooding feelings but they are just too painful and grotesque that you cannot possibly get it across properly and that's the best you could do to convey the pain and misery that has been your existence. Word vomit.

7. Notice that your story board has nothing to do with any of these things and play it like a bad ass. Bad ass.

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—The JPG team

8 responses

  • Spectre Photo

    Spectre Photo gave props (11 Mar 2009):'re..badass. ;)

  • mark regester

    mark regester (Deleted) gave props (11 Mar 2009):

    bubbly goodness.

  • aya rosen

    aya rosen said (16 Mar 2009):

    pretty and funny!c cool story! I hope you get published.

  • Jamie Webb

    Jamie Webb (Deleted) gave props (19 Mar 2009):

    defo bad ass. very well written and great idea!!!

  • Mei Teng Wong

    Mei Teng Wong said (28 May 2009):

    Eric, thanks for sharing this. I want to try this out myself. I like bubbles and water droplets.

  • Megan Hoban

    Megan Hoban gave props (30 May 2009):

    Your voice as a narrator is comedic, yet taseful. Very well written, pleasing to read. Creative story, even if the idea wasn't. I voted.

  • Mike Melnotte

    Mike Melnotte gave props (1 Jun 2009):

    This was geat reading and viewing. Got my vote!

  • Mary Brown

    Mary Brown gave props (3 Sep 2009):

    Great story and excellent photos!

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