How To

How to shoot automobiles - Part: Une

427 Auto Art
Auto-Art Study in B&W #2
Auto-Art Study in B&W #5
King of Hubcaps
Auto-Art Study in B&W #4
Auto-Art Study in B&W #3

Let's face it, we love cars. Well, I sure as hell do, so I assume that the entire world is like me and loves all things with cylinders.

Car and automobile photography can be a bit of a black art. Cars these days are lower, faster and have more glitter than a drag queen on a bender.

Hopefully this easy and simple tutorial can give you some ideas on how to make your car stand out from the crowd. And by stand out, I mean be just like everyone else. And by easy, I mean mind-bendingly annoying. And by tutorial, I mean another 9 redbull and a kilo of pixie-sticks induced rant... you are still reading... right? God, I hope so, otherwise my life is a complete waste of vapid mold spores.

Tip 1:

Car owners are dead serious about their cars. Like a heart-attack serious. So be sure to point out every little flaw and paint chip you see. If you really like to see geriatrics pulling their hair out and uncontrollably defecating at the same time, then by all means make sure to call their Camaro a "Mustang".

Tip 2:

Constantly remind them that you know nothing about cars by insisting that you need to sit behind the wheel of their car and make racing noises and violently shake the steering wheel from side to side.

Tip 3:

Ask the owner if you can rub their fuzzy dice, "for good luck", while you maintain an uncomfortable level of eye contact for an extended period of time.

Tip 4:

When meeting the motorist for the first time remind them that their hunk of rust is older than you and your only here to pick up chicks. Be sure to use their rear view mirrors to perfect your 'manscaping', if they get fussy, tell them that "these eyebrows aren't going to PLUCK themselves!". If the motoring enthusiast is a woman, be sure to mention how much you love your ladies shaved.... door handles.

Tip 5:

Look seductively into your clients eyes and make sure to emphasize the terms, "Shaved", "Blown", "Stroked", "Lube Job" and "Juiced". Make sure your client knows you mean business by asking them to do the same.

VOTE: Do you like this story?

Tell a friend about this story!

Tell a friend about this story!

  1. or
Preview

Hi there!

thought you might like this story!

http://jpgmag.com/stories/11960

Thanks,
—The JPG team

3 responses

  • Martin E. Morris

    Martin E. Morris (Deleted) gave props (13 Jun 2009):

    Very,very amusing story Eric.Great images too.I look forward to the next part.Get's my vote!!!

  • Michael Adams

    Michael Adams gave props (16 Jun 2009):

    Great article. Seems more like a way to piss of the enthusiasts! Great shots that take a different aproach to the classic cars.

  • Megan Green

    Megan Green gave props (16 May 2010):

    Hilarious! (Being a pony car girl, it would pain me to demean a Mustang in such a way.)

Want to leave a comment? Log in or sign up!