Ir de Compras
By Melissa Bellafiore
3 Aug 2009
Nothing represents suburban utilitarianism quite like the food store. Rows of meat, piles of produce, aisles of brightly colored cereal boxes all under the air conditioned brightness of florescent lights. In terms of attacking it, everyone has their own style- browse and buy, the budget shop while fighting the kids begging for everything along the way or perhaps, a serious 'stick to the list'. I'm usually of the latter philosophy and can be out in five to ten minutes depending on exactly how much I need to buy. Although there just might not be anything more mundane than food shopping, I enjoy it... especially when Tim comes with me.
With Tim, it suddenly becomes an event. Like the time I turned a corner to find him standing in a completely empty aisle in a huge wicker hat, three leis around his neck, wearing huge red sunglasses all while setting up his camera on the vacant shelves to take pictures of himself with an enormous pink teddy bear and several citronella candles.
He can be found taking pictures of soup cans, detergent or doing art projects. Nothing makes Stop and Shop employees stare like laying out pictures of food along the entire salad section and photographing it. He'll dance in front of the frozen food, describe graphic sexual situations behind someone with more than 12 items on express and make up filthy lyrics to the songs on Muzack. Sometimes while I'm going through my list, mentally checking off sandwich bags and toothpaste I'll hear "Mel" look up, only to get wailed in the head with a beach ball followed by a signature laugh and "Burned!"
My earliest food store fun was back in high school. Tim, our friend Kelly and I stood outside of Food Town with a video camera pretending to do a project for school. We approached soccer moms, overweight middle agers and old people asking them questions like what they thought of the savings and if they could pick a favorite mouthwash- would it be Scope?
Through the years, we've had fun in food stores, huge 'mart' stores and big box retailers but Tim often gets antsy and wonders off. There are several ways to find Tim if you are shopping with him- head towards the music section, watch for the halo of blonde curls above the racks or just listen for the loudest, most incessant sounds. I almost died when shopping for a father's day gift in Best Buy, I found Tim playing the entire aisle of synthesizers and electronic drums or I'll never forget the ever famous toy cash register that when you opened it, it would chime, "Have a nice day!"- except that Tim kept pressing the button as we walked through Target, "havahavahava nice, havahava nice day".
I've seen him walk through Wal-Mart in an Obama mask during Halloween and wear bunny ears during Easter, scream loudly for no reason other than to bother an annoying Long Island housewife and play a full-out catch game with gloves in the sporting goods section. We've hung out for hours drinking coffee while sitting in patio set displays and rode scooters through Macy's on Black Friday. Shopping with Tim, always an adventure!
2 responses
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*Tim Needles gave props (3 Aug 2009):
Well, that Tim sounds like a basket full of fun! Well written!
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Thomas Needs gave props (4 Aug 2009):
Ha,that's awesome
