Garden Whispers
By Doug Johnson
6 January 2008
Her photo isn't here. That's because my beloved's garden is full of angels that whisper her name.
Today in the supermarket I was riding the grocery cart on two wheels, like I was a 'Dukes of Hazard' stunt driver. She yells, 'Douglas!', and I put it back on all four wheels...for a couple of minutes. Then as a true mature male human, I do it again, just to prove that men are just toddlers that get bald and grow grey hair. Her flaming red hair, which is grown to just above her waist, flings into my face as she turns on me, and frowns over her red rimmed sequin glasses. 'Stop it!' she declares. I giggle and give in for a couple of minutes.
Subsiding for a couple of hours, I wait until she buys these horrible black folding chairs, and discover that they look a great deal like raven's wings. So I wave them in the air through the parking lot screaming, CAW! CAW!...needless to say she walks faster and tells my youngest to walk faster and pretend that they don't know me.
I don't understand? There was the time she had a dentist appointment, and I showed up with a horrible gold painted angel singing, 'We wish you a Merry Christmas!' The dentist's office went dead quiet watching the scene...as if that was possible. I declared, 'Congratulations from Johnson's singing telegram!' Of course her face became the color of her hair. Should I tell you about the airport where I borrowed my Mom's crutches? (Don't worry, we got her a wheel chair first. You think I'm an animal?) Anyway, I limped on the crutches up the course way until I was about three feet from a weary traveler, whereupon I would stand straight up and yell, "I'VE BEEN HEALED!"...I'd wait for a few feet before limping up to the next victim. My sister got into the act on that one, and my father AND my wife decided to pretend like they didn't know me.
There was the time a clown showed up on the first day of nursing school of this lovely red headed angel. Apparently, making the professor drop his pen in astonishment isn't a romantic gesture.
O.K., I'll start to wrap this up. On our wedding day, my mother said that I was in the way during the preparations. Since my wife's condo was behind the fire station in our local town, I bought a dozen roses, and walked down to the fire station . I waved the roses and asked them to send a guy down in a yellow suit to give my wife the flowers. They thought it was so funny they drove their biggest tanker truck through the condos yelling her name over the loud speaker. Her parents and family panicked thinking there was a fire. She ran across the street from her sister's place with her hair dripping wet. The guy stepped off the truck and handed her the roses. I about bust a gut laughing as she yanked the flowers out of his hand. Her grandmother, who had yet to meet me, leaned over to her and said, "Well, at least your life won't be boring."
My gorgeous wife was warned. Her garden angels whisper her name. They whisper..."I can't believe you're still with this guy!"
I was finally able this year to buy her 120 roses and fill her living room at our anniversary. It's not sweetness. I have more singing telegrams in the plans...I need some collateral.
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