JPG Magazine: Stories

Bride Price/Labola

By Mike Despot

10 March 2007

Bride Price / Labola

As we drove down the nearly empty highway in Zimbabwe, I WAS thinking how odd IT was for John and me to be on our way to a small isolated village in the south central part of Zimbabwe." My brother John and I had lost touch with each other in the mid 1960s, after the death of our father, who had been the only stability we had known. I knew he was some where in Africa because I had received a letter from him thirty yeas before. With the growth of the internet and the improvement in search engines along with chat rooms and instant messaging, we had reconnected.

We still looked very much like brothers even at the ages of 63 and 64. We both had raise three sons, mine much older than his, since he had spent much of his youth exploring the world and living in the Kalahari with the Bushmen. He had been employed by the government of Botswana to help the Bushmen gain additional skills to aid there survival in a rapidly changing Africa. Now the Director of a government museum he spends his time immersed in the culture of Africa.

Two boys form the lower eastside of Detroit now traveling to pay labola. Of course like many people I had never heard of labial, John had some knowledge of it but was unsure of how to negotiate the paying of this Labola to his bride's family. Thus, my reason for being in the car on the way to Growth Corner Zimbabwe. As it turns out Labola is also known in Africa as the Bride Price, it has many positive and negative connotations to it.

I can not tell you all of the positive and negative aspects of Labola, I can only relate what impressions I had and how this event took place. On the way to the village my bother and I had an opportunity to discuss Labola with a number of people. We were interested in conducting ourselves properly without giving the brides family more than what would be normal in a more traditional African marriage. What was not traditional about this marriage? Well for starters John is thirty years her senior and he is a mazoago (Caucasian). We were assured by the folks we talked with that it would be a

Negotiation and that we were expected to bargain the "price". On the way to the village we picked up the brides uncle, he would act as the go between for the two families. When arriving at the brides home village, we were not to enter the gate until invited and an invitation would not be granted without payment. Payment made we entered the gate and we were introduced briefly to the mother and father, then we were taken to the hut where we would do our negotiations. The brides parents along with the uncle went into the kitchen rondavo, a fairly large hut that had a central area for a fire, shelves for dishes and concrete benches built along its circular walls for the family to sit for family meetings.

John and I were waiting anxiously waiting to get a list of wants from the bride's family. After a considerable time Uncle Modena came into our hut with the list. The list was very interesting, although I can not recall the Shona names for each item nor even each item, I do remember some of the more interesting items on the list.

The first item was money for the cloth that the mother used to cover her belly when she was pregnant with Cresensia. There was an item that when paid would stop the brides family from ever talking about anything John may have done wrong in the past. Also listed were new clothes for the father and mother, dress, suit and shoes for both. A cow for the mother and four head of cattle for the father were big items on the list.

Now it was clearly time to negotiate, we started by mentioning how we honored their traditions and that we would like them to also have some understanding of ours. We continued to explain that in our homeland it was traditional for the brides family to pay for the wedding, dress, hall, food and all the trappings. We went on to mention how the guests and the families would give gifts to the couple to help ensure they have a good start in marriage. Yes, we were doing a great job of negotiating! We were leaving nothing out as we jabbed, ducked and danced around all of the items and the uncles pleadings. He went back to the kitchen rondavo to present are arguments to the mother and father.

Again we waited. Uncle Modena soon arrived back into our hut. WITH THE SAME Exact LIST! John and I was a bit confused by this but we continued are skilled negotiations. As the time passed and nothing changed, I looked the uncle straight in the eyes and asked him if this was truly negotiation or was this list the list we would end up agreeing to. He smiled and said, no, this is not a negotiation; this is what the family expects. He went on to explain that he had approached the family and told them it would be unfair to ask more from John just because he was a manage then what they had asked from their other son in laws. He even mentioned that the mother brought out a book to show just what they had received from the others and how much was still owed.

I then smiled and told Uncle Modena, that my rich brother could easily afford that, We all laughed and he went back to tell of the success of Labola negotiations.

Upon returning to our hut, he mentioned that we were now a part of the family and that when we left the hut; we could hug, kiss and dance with the family.

We left the hut, and the drums started a strong happy beat, the ladies were singing and the men were dancing. Credenza's brothers were skinning a goat for the wedding fest.

There were about fifty people at the celebration and only one car, the one we had arrived in. We found that everyone there had walked to the party. Some came as far as twenty kilometers away. Even after the long walks there was enough energy, fueled by seven day beer, to dance and sing from about ten in the morning until midnight.

It was a magical three days at the compound. I had in depth conversations with several of the local farmers about their crops and about the depleted soil they planted on. The family would get up at three in the morning during planting season and the brothers would plow the rock strewn fields with a hand plow pulled by single oxen. The sisters would follow behind sowing the seeds for the maze or peanuts. At about six in the morning they would ready themselves for school, walk the ten kilometers to school. After school, it was directly backed to the fields until nine at night.

It was very evident that these were hard working proud people. Even the old men and ladies danced and sang until midnight.

One gentleman mentioned that our visit was historical for the village as no white man had ever socialized there before, yes the priest would stop by from time to time, but never ate sang or danced with them. The older people remembered the revolution twenty years ago and they all know about eh taking over of white frames in the last few years. So to have to big old massages breaking bread with them, drinking their home made beer and dancing until midnight was a truly historical event, not only for them but for us.

My reflections on the Bride Price/labial is that it is a process to bring to families together to unite in assuring the success of the marriage and to honor the bride by paying her family for having gone such a wonderful job raising a beautiful and lovely woman.

The trip to the village was an amazing experience. I found that people in the south central area of Zimbabwe have a deep sense of family that is shown in the ancient traditions that are carried on toady and there is one main reason for the traditions it is love and unity.